Harsh Truths Series: The World Is Not Out To Get You

I’m sitting in my dorm room, wondering what I did to deserve this sadness and anger embedded inside me. I am 18.

I reflect on the fact that I am living my 16-year-old self’s dream: enrolled in my top-choice college, in the most amazing city in the world, sun shining, iced coffee in my hand, workout clothes on my body, ready for a sweat. Everything I dreamed of and fantasized about.

Then I begin to feel “those feelings.” The swirling in my stomach and chest, which makes its way up to my throat. I feel like I’m choking. My heart takes a deep sink into my stomach. My head feels like it’s spinning. What’s wrong with me? What did I do to deserve feeling this way? Why don’t I have as many friends as I thought I would? Why am I not succeeding the way I envisioned I would, right off the bat? Why was I rejected from that club? Why can’t I figure out my routine? What is the reason for all of this? Why me?

And then, back to feeling like I can’t breathe.

Those questions are as confusing to read as they were to think. Clearly, anxiety dominated that 18-year-old’s brain. And it felt so unfair at the time.

Fast-forward a few months, after numerous therapy consultations and lots of self-reflection. My mother had told me that anxiety is one of the most selfish disorders, and I couldn’t comprehend that until now. Anxiety makes you genuinely believe that you are at the center of the world, and it doesn’t allow you to get out of your own head. It makes you believe that the world is intentionally throwing things at you that you can’t control. That the world is somehow out to get you. Obviously no blame to those that suffer from it (I myself still do), but having this understanding of how an anxious brain relates to the rest of the world is so helpful in the process of healing it.

And then I had my realization, drum roll please.

The world is not out to get you.

Anxiety just makes you think it does.

Read that again. The. World. Is. Not. Out. To. Get. You. There isn’t some big plot to take you down and make you feel this way. That is the disorder talking.

Writing this out has made me realize, huh, these realizations are profound and all, but I still don’t have the answers, and I’m not sure anyone really does. But a few mindsets and practices have helped me along the way. Even now when I fall back into the “the world is out to get me” mindset, I use the same tools.

1. Spirituality. OK, I know what you’re thinking, but it’s better and less cheesy than it sounds when put into practice. A current example: I broke up with my first boyfriend and quit my job that lasted 6 weeks, in the span of a month. My lease is up in 3 months. My emotions are high and low. I have no idea what I’m doing. My head feels like chaos sometimes. Oh, and you should know, I suck at handling change. Ha, you're probably thinking, what a joke. But all of these changes have led me to new opportunities: starting a writing and tutoring business, blog writing, and trying out new jobs that I’ve always wanted to. And romantically, I gained a better understanding of what I’m looking for and what is best-suited for me. And I still see a lot of potential for myself–my business succeeding, gaining experience, learning, and being sought after. While sometimes life feels chaotic, and my head goes back into that spin, I take a step back, look at the bigger picture, and remember: it all happens for a reason. Every change leads me to a new reality that will be beneficial for me. And I hold onto that hope so I don’t fall back into the idea that the world is out to get me.

2. The “I Don’t Give a F***” Mindset. (Sorry not sorry for the profanity, it helps drive the point home) I was sitting with my roommate in the middle of what felt like a mental breakdown. “I suck at this, I’ll never be good at it, I’m losing my mind!” she heard me say over and over. She finally looked at me and said: “Yard, stop giving a f***. You are giving too much of a f***.” Her words hit me like a truck, in a good way (if that’s possible?). I remembered past scenarios in my life where sometimes, when I genuinely cared less about what I was doing, I ultimately excelled at it more. The class that didn’t count for my major; the class I pass/failed. I got A’s in those classes and lots of positive feedback from professors. The "I don't give a f***" mindset essentially strips you away of the heavy pressure you put on yourself to do well or to “look good” to others, and without that pressure, you DO end up doing well–and ridding yourself of the anxiety you felt within that process.

3. Seeking Help. Sometimes the scariest part of anxiety is admitting you feel "off" or don’t feel like yourself. Sure, you can keep plastering a smile on your face, but the feeling will not go away until you address it. Talk about it with your friends. Talk about it with your parents. Talk about it with a therapist, a mentor, whoever it is! Because sometimes, you need a friend like mine who just tells you to stop giving a f***, and that somehow makes you feel better.

Again, I’m no expert in anxiety, but I am someone who has experienced it and can relate deeply to all the feelings, emotions, and mindsets that I just described. I’m still on my own journey of deciphering those feelings and figuring out how to overcome them. But what I DO know is that walking around thinking that the world is out to get you is not an attractive look – it’s a victim mentality, and at some point you need to hear some tough love to get over it. Obviously that’s easier said than done, which is why I provided some insights and mindsets that have helped me overcome it, and when you do…you’ll feel like your absolute best self.